Gee Whillickers!

Experimental Pizza

These listed items are actual products

Ducio Cresci, an Italian television presenter, turned to the cosmetics manufacturing industry to stake his claim—to what, you must be the judge.

The first product his company unveiled was the Experimenta line of bathroom products, which featured pizza-scented bubble bath, soap and body lotion—made with such actual natural ingredients as tomato extract and essential oils of oregano and basil. Creator Cresci felt that the pizza pie (and other dishes) should not be limited to just taste, but should indulge all the senses.

Cresci reassured a dubious market about his food-scented products, stating, “The bubble bath smells especially strong when you are bathing in it, but once out of the water it leaves an irresistible trace of scent on your skin. “Now you might think that this occurred in the bygone era of cure-alls, tonics and contraptions that were a whole-kitchen-in-one. But, no, this is today’s story and the Experimenta line is on the market right now (2003). More amazing: his products have been selling well!

We weren’t certain what comedic bar-r-rump-ump to finish with on this story, so we’ve provided some options:

  • What’s next, free extra cheese scent with purchases over a hundred thousand lira?
  • When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s Experimenta!
  • Ahh, that’sa spicy meata ball!

Ad Absurdum!

Rinso

circa 1950

click to enlarge

Little girl: “What’s the matter, Mommy? Why are you crying?”

Mommy: ” I’m not crying. I’m disappointed because I can’t get snowy clothes from my new washer.”

The inhumanity! I mean, really! You go out and spend your husband’s hard-earned money on the latest and greatest, newfangled washing machine, which consists of a state-of-the-art bucket and a set of now- motorized rolling pins, and your whites aren’t snowy! Well, who wouldn’t be close to a collapse?

Lysol

circa 1950

click to enlarge

Held in a web of indifference? Uh… what?

This is a Lysol ad from way before the pine-scented advertising of the present-day household cleaner. It’s a feminine hygiene ad that offers a possible explanation for women who might be feeling caught, not unlike a fly, in marital difficulties. Who would’ve thought Lysol was the key to regaining a husband’s love and close companionship once more.

The wealth of bizarre marketing of the last millennium sometimes seems bottomless. Maybe in 50 to 100 years, today’s marketing will seem as strange. We certainly hope so.


Spokescritters!

Mr. Clean

So, who is this old-yet-buff, bald-but-debonaire guy with the pirate hoop in his big right ear? Well, he’s the personification of a strong, supportive helper who handles cleaning tasks nearly effortlessly. He stands 6′ 3″ and was modeled after a rugged sailor.

Based on the “Mr.” trend of the era (Mr. Baseball was Stan Musial and Mr. Television was Milton Berle), Mr. Household became Mr. Clean. Later, due to the unfortunate outcome of a 1962 naming contest, he was fully named “Mr. Veritably Clean.” C’mon, a guy with pipes like that wouldn’t admit to the first name “Veritably” under pain of death. Well, a contest is a contest.

The all purpose cleaner was introduced in 1958, making Mr. Clean (don’t let those white eyebrows fool you) about 45 years old. In 1998, he was voted one of the “Sexiest Men Alive” by People Magazine, which is quite an achievement, especially when you factor in the whole “not alive” part into the equation.

Silent for more than four decades, his first words were spoken in February of 2000 on his website, “One small click for you, one giant leap for cleaning kind.” All right. In his defense, even the strong silent types gotta pitch their websites!